Hmm...
...
I'm not sure what to say about Canada... I guess, I just forgot what it was like to be there... It was a job to temper myself once again to fit in.
It was really hard being back. It was this massive mix of emotions and experiences both good and bad... too many old memories...
To be fair, it was a rough trip, all told... lots of things went completely wrong. I'm not really going to write about it. Besides, this blog is about Wales so perhaps I'll write about Canada in my Welsh language blog. Somehow, more appropriate.
Hell, I'll just say this...
A couple of things became very clear while I was there. I realized just exactly how much I'd lost by leaving Canada... which is considerable... but at the same time, I know how much more I've gained and changed by being in Wales. I'm well and forever changed.
This quote from Grayson Perry is always in my heart and mind.
"Why art? Because through it we share the human wound of a finite life, a life of incomplete meanings."
Yes. This is exactly how I feel. I feel it constantly... It's this that urges me to create art, to be an artist.
I used to deny it but the truth is, deep down, I'm a broken individual and have been for quite a long time. It's really come into clarity. Elsa once described my house in Aber as the house of troubled spirits. Yeah. For my part... I'm completely broken hearted. No question. But for some reason, it doesn't bother me anymore, at least, not the way it used to. I guess, I just feel more comfortable with who I am and what I've become. And now, I'm just trying to be more honest with myself about that... and open. And hopefully, more expressive...
"Time heals all wounds," you say.
Really? Listen.
A First Nations story I once heard, an elder talks to his grandson...
"The white man has a saying, that goes 'Time heals all wounds'. I'm not sure that's actually true. See that tree over there. When I was just a little boy, it was struck by lightning - completely damaged, burnt and cracked, many of its branches split. Now, some seventy years later, that tree still hasn't healed... but isn't it the most interesting and beautiful in the forest?!"
Yeah, I must say, I'm turning into a damn interesting tree...
Da bo.
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